Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
