Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
