Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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