All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize