i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
