Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
