It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
