so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.