She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..