I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds