I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.