yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
