i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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