he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
