i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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