I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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