I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
