I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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