i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
