Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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