I don't remember. Are we still dating?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
