he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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