I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize