She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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