If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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