Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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