Your tits are I can't wait for
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize