Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
