The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
