Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
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my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend