East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
