He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
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Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
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I won't apologize to a one balled man
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it