dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.