party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.