That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
