I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
