If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
