so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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