Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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