the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
