i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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