did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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