you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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