I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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