Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
