some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
