she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
