Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
