Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
well you can't waste a boner
i used baking grease as lip gloss
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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