my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
