I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
