in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
