I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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