He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
