he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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