Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
