If i come over, it means nothing
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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