he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
