if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm both gender and math confused
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
