i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
