Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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