Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
