I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
