I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the day after is always just damage control
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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