also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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