Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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