He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How external is "for external use only"?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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