I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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