I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
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Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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