If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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