But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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