So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
