We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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