I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
