I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
