If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
