it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
