maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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