I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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