I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
