That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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