An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
