Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
