i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There r osticjed everywhere
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
