I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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