Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
